Insert an equally witty title here.

Gillam-fest, huh.

To be perfectly honest, I’d say devastated is a bit of an understatement. Not only have we been talking about the actual event for at least the past few weeks, this little guy has been an object of obsession love for both Roo and me for the past two years.

That’s right. Two years. Devotion at its best? I think so.

Dear non-existent reader, with the notable exception of Simon, perhaps, you probably don’t even know who this Gillam character is.

Heck (thanks, Mr. Davis), I don’t even know.

I’ve never actually met the guy.

I saw him once at an ethics conference last year, and I yelled his name, but that doesn’t count. He didn’t even hear me.

Anyway, here’s the extremely limited list of what I know about him so far:

• He’s tiny. No joke. I did see him with my own eyes – he’s shorter than me. And that really is something.
• He will take over the world one day. At least, that what Roo tells me. She met him at UNYA. Apparently he’s insanely diplomatic and possibly future UN-material. Hm.
• He thinks abortion is the ‘tidy option’. Uh, yeah. Moving on…
• He already has a girlfriend. That can be remedied. Again, strictly joking.
• I know where he lives! I think there might be legal restrictions upon me posting his address and home telephone number on the Net without his permission, though…
• What else, what else.
• Oh yeah. We have a plethora of nicknames for him, including but in no way restricted to: G-Banger, Bobby-G, etc.

That’s probably about it. I really don’t know that much else about him. And I’m not about to find out anymore about him in the near future, either.

Actually, I had been dared to ask him to the Year 11 Dance. I was contemplating doing it at Gillam-fest (which, for the record, was actually a gig, but I’m pretty sure we were going mostly for Gillam – not the music), but since we can’t go (due to unfortunate geographical issues), that’s no longer an option. Speaking of which, I never actually made a contingency plan. Great.

Oh well. I digress. Not meeting Gillam. Right. That’s not too big a deal though; it’s inevitable that I will meet him eventually. Philosophy camp, maybe.

Oooooh. I can’t wait.

Amended (30/04/2010):

After a lengthy discussion with my legal counsel, it has been brought to my attention that I should provide a disclaimer. So here it is.

Esteemed reader, if you are questioning the legality of such a post, the answer is, I have no idea either. If you happen to be the person about whom this post is written, I assure you that our unhealthy infatuation with you is a joke. No joke (oh, the irony). Please don’t sue our asses. We have no money. The modicum of money currently in my ownership is sitting in my savings account, and I’d rather it stayed there, to be honest. To my knowledge, the interest is stacking up quite nicely. The point is, don’t sue us. It’s a joke.

Oh, and by the way, I’m meeting you in six days. Yes –- it’s happening!

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